How To Get A Girl In Five Simple Steps [Blog For Men Only]

Before we start, let's get two things out of the way. Firstly, why does this blog exist? I recently came across the news of a webinar that attempted something similar, teaching men how to date, or up their game or something like that. And it was hilarious how they aggressively dismissed the only woman who bothered to join the webinar to tell them where they went wrong. It's almost like teaching people how to convert to Christianity but setting fire to the first cathedral you encounter. So I decided to write a blog about the same topic instead, and simplify things a bit. Also, blogs can't be interrupted by anyone with logic and reasoning.

Secondly, this blog is only for men. Thank you. Now, it can be a daunting task to be where I am, but as your messiah (I have had multiple women voluntarily let me coexist next to them on several occasions), let me tell you that it all boils down to five simple steps.

Step 1: Don't.

Do not get a woman. They're women. Not a prize you find in a lucky box of corn flakes. You don't "get" a woman. At the bare minimum, you treat them as a fellow human being. You find a woman. And not in the "Where's Waldo" sense of trying to search for and ensuring that an entire chunk of the human race hasn't spontaneously gone missing kind of "find women", but more in the sense of "seeing someone", "dating someone", "getting into a relationship" or any of the seventy-three other synonyms to suggest that you've entered what will hopefully be a long term contract offering mutually exclusive sexual intercourse in exchange for emotional security and wellbeing in good faith.

Step 2: Be a decent human.

I know decency is subjective and some topics (such as swearing, for instance) might not always be weighed on the same scale. But there are certain examples that I would like to consider objectively indecent, two of which are discussed here.

Firstly, the dick pic. Do not send a dick pic. Ever. Even if it is solicited. In the hypothetical case that someone is literally begging you for a quick snap of your member, just tell them you'd rather show it to them physically, in person, in a private setting. There are four major reasons why a dick pic is an objectively bad idea. Firstly, it's an ugly picture. You can not possibly beautify it with any amount of skillful photography. Secondly, being caught trying to take one is perhaps one of the most embarrassing experiences you will ever have. Any sane person apprehended midway in the act of documenting his genitalia is bound to be judged otherwise and subsequently declared insane. Thirdly, it's not the best way of expressing any romantic or sexual interest. A handwritten note works better than Chothu's Photu. And finally, I think it's frankly insulting to any person involved in applying the pinnacle of engineering to put a high-resolution camera behind a box as small as 5 inches. We've evolved to have panorama and portrait shots and night-sky images, and there's a reason why "quick dick" is not a setting on phones yet.

Secondly, and this might be deliberately worded in a more complicated manner than necessary, do not express horniness towards anyone who is not already expressing similar horniness specifically directed at you. I would have just said, "Don't be horny" but as a man myself, I know we are but beings of perpetual horniness, only varying in its intensity, ranging anywhere from casually dismissing the voice in your pants with a "Perhaps in a few minutes. Not right now, seeing as I am in the middle of a surgery" or something, to being crippled by this feeling of sexual arousal where you're unable to think anything without compulsorily relieving yourself, even if with the assistance of just a poorly drawn stick figure. And therefore, may I suggest, only express your horniness towards anyone who is actively looking into your eyes and clearly saying the words "I am turned on specifically by you at this very moment" or words to that precise effect, and if on the off chance that you are turned on by someone who doesn't fit the category, just have the decency to not express it to anyone ever at all.

Once you get the idea of what other examples might fit the bill by mere extrapolation of this thread of thought and are convinced that you are for most practical purposes a majorly decent person (except a few extremely non-serious moments of weakness), you will be ready to move on to step three. Really though, I suggest you take your time with the whole process.

Step 3: Develop an interesting personality trait or a quirk.

By which I mean don't just read books and watch movies and listen to music. Consume all of those things at a level where you'd at least be able to come up with a spontaneous albeit half-baked talk at your pin code's local TEDx. All I'm saying is if you have a routine job that hundreds of thousands of people are also occupied with, and your interests are as well similarly mainstream, you don't have a very broad spectrum of people who might gravitate towards you. There is nothing you can intellectually provide that isn't already on the profile description of some teenager's social media account. If you want to find a woman to date, make your job easier by making yourself someone people would voluntarily want to walk towards. Research conducted by me on four people reveals that all humans find three qualities amusing: being smart, being funny, and being talented. The first is a never-ending pursuit, the second requires you to realize that different people find different things funny and therefore you might not always be funny, and the third needs years of dedicated practice of your skill. I personally suggest taking the easy route as I did: Be extremely talented at pretending to be smart and funny.

Step 4: Do not cross over to the dark side.

In the pursuit of women, you must not become a yesman. If your game consists of simply agreeing with everything she says in the hope that she would want to maybe have lunch with you, you've already gone over to the void (what some people refer to as "simping".) Do not simp. Do not become a simp. If you find something she says contradictory to your experience, say it. It makes for a fantastic conversation. I'm not saying "deny whatever she says" necessarily, but more try to play a sensitive devil's advocate. Not the advocate of a sensitive devil, no. But more an empathetic person who tries to put forth a counterpoint once in a while.

Step 5: Get women.

Go get out and get all the women. All of them. Not the way Japanese teenagers indulge in the consumerist brand of slavery that is Pokémon, but really get them get them. Understand them. See their perspectives. Live and relive their experiences vicariously. See where they're coming from and be patient enough to see where they're going with it. Listen to them. And then once you're very sure you've phrased your well-thought opinion the best way possible in your head, say it out loud.

And that's it. Five steps to get a woman. Or all women. In hindsight, these might just be five steps to be a normal human. "Be decent, treat other humans as humans, be interesting, don't sacrifice your individualism to impress someone else, and try to be sympathetic". But that just makes it look like the index slide of a Samuthirakani presentation and I wouldn't personally read it myself, let alone force it upon the internet.